2010 was a rough year. Like most of us, I couldn't wait for the moment the clock struck midnight on January 1, 2011. Unfortunately for me, I realized in an instant all my problems weren't going to disappear. But I darn well realized I could change my attitude towards situations and find a way to make the best of reality. Because I really do believe "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." (Maya Angelou)
And while it's popular to make resolutions for the New Year, I also realized resolutions in themselves, are flawed. The key to life is balance, and I'd really rather not let things get out of control in the first place where I have to make drastic changes. Instead, I wanted to look at my life and see areas where I have questions, and work towards a process where I can get concrete answers. And in that process, learn whatever it is that I'm meant to learn.
That being said, I noticed some areas in my life where I felt clarity is needed. They cross both my personal and professional life, and I wanted to share them with you, because perhaps you have some of these questions, too:
1) It's OK Not to Have the Answers: I have always been a very black and white person. There's right and wrong (or my way or the highway!) and not much in-between. Making decisions for me has always been cake. In fact, I once read a horoscope about people born on my birthday that said, "You know who you are, what you want, and the fastest way to get there." Yah, that's about right. :-)
Since my father passed away, my entire life and outlook has changed, and that in itself has been alarming. I look at situations much differently because, as a wise friend told me, "When you face death, many things become unimportant." In fact, I just came face to face with something I greatly feared and shockingly, didn't freak out. Emotionally, I was able to keep everything in perspective. A first for me.
The bottom line is that I've already dealt with my worst fear - losing a parent. The rest I can deal with, slowly, surely and calmly. At least, I'm trying.
2) Be Careful Who You Take Advice From: Recently, there was a huge debate within the tech/social media circles about how there's "not enough women in tech." Everyone from a well known social media journalist, to a top exec at Facebook -- and even a sex/porn columnist had a take on the situation. All were very different, as you can imagine.
Personally, I just got back from CES and realized at one point I was the only woman in a sea of men at a coffee shop. Is that a bad thing? If you're looking for a date, no. But otherwise, yah - it kinda sucks to realize the majority of women at the show are booth babes. And while I have my own opinions on the matter, who of these three women should I listen to? You tell me.
Whether it's work related or personal, we have to be more careful about who we listen to and align ourselves with people that have similar qualities, morals and standards. Otherwise, we're going to get steered in the wrong direction. I know I sure have.
3) There's Great Power in What You Don't Say: If you're anything like me, keeping your mouth shut isn't the easiest thing to do. I have always been a very emotional person and reacted before thinking. And hey, sometimes a great quality! Ask my friends - you won't meet anyone more loyal with a knack for cutting people to the floor if they screw with them. ;-) But of course, there's a downside, which is that I often speak before I think. And we all know what that can lead to... disaster.
My hairdresser Joey recently said to me "Be careful what you say, because there's tremendous power in words and you can never take what you say back." (Yes, I get my hair bleached blonde and also great advice - what can I say?)
Seriously, it's awesome to realize I have the power to influence a situation positively by the very words that come out of my mouth. I can take the same situation and have very different outcomes based on my attitude and the words that I choose.
The bottom line is that people have great intuition. And if you don't spell everything out in a heated emotional argument and keep some things to the belt, you can still get your point across. In fact, probably much more so.
4) Realizing What Truly Matters in Life is Difficult: Our society measures the absolute wrong things as valuable. Money, looks and success are valued; a kind, honest and loving heart is often overlooked. Thus, we're often faced looking into the mirror trying to figure out how to survive in a world that rewards selfishness. I know many people who proudly admit they are out for themselves - no joke.
Today, my friend Sloane wrote a great post about "What is the ultimate prize in life?" inspired by a clip from Kevin Spacey discussing the topic. I highly recommend you watch and read it
here, because the prize we're searching for is within ourselves.
My belief is that someday I'll stand before God and answer for everything I've done. Maybe you don't believe that, and that's cool. But ask yourself - is it OK to act on impulses and do what's right for you, regardless of the circumstances and how it ultimately affects other people? I know for me, it's time to take a step back and think about my own selfish nature and what I can do to help others versus just helping myself.
5) If For No Other Reason, Just Do the Right Thing Anyway: Life is tough. And it's not fair. But we should do the right thing, if for no reason that it makes us a better person in the end.
And listen, I know this is hard. I've dealt with this issue my entire life. Sometimes I think a dose of someone's own medicine would be the perfect cure. I've tried that and it doesn't work - you just feel worse in the end. And you know what? Their problems aren't yours. Let them look in the mirror at themselves in the morning and deal with it. The good news is that you don't have to!
Bottom line: In 2011 and in my life, I absolutely
refuse to lower myself to someone else's standards. Period.
I'll just quote Mother Theresa from her "Anyway Poem" because she sums this up perfectly:
"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God; It was never between you and them anyway."
